Mistaken Abnegation
by Sirius Canis Black
Summary: Must it be duty or love? Must one conquer the other? What will Esther do when she is expected to marry? As a queen, it’s her duty, so why does her heart ache so…? Or is aware of her true feelings? She couldn't be mistaken, now could she? ExA IxE


**Disclaimer:** Everything is © to their respective owners, I own nothing, but the mere ideas and words of this story, and every character, that isn't recognizable.

**Summary:**Must it be duty or love? Must one conquer the other? What will Esther do when she is expected to marry? As a queen, it's her duty, so why does her heart ache so…? Exam IxE

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It was such a pretty day. It really was rare for the sun to shine so brilliantly, even in the summer. Albion wasn't called the country of rain and mist for nothing… 

Therefore shouldn't every young lady be out in the open, savoring the day? It really was such a nice day, now wans't it?

Esther tore her gaze from the clear blue sky shimmering through the tall, elegant windows. Those golden rays caressed her pale face, and made her hair look like it was glowing with a golden light., in contrast with her dull expression. She resembled a bored angel in all her white clothes and glory. Well, except for the lack of the wings, and the fact, that she was wearing a crown, and a red mantle too. Okay, her dress was a ligth cream-color, but that doesn't really counts now, does it?

So all in all, she looked lovely. But that was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

She had to concentrate. She **REALLY** had to! But it was **SO** damn boring!

Didn't she promise to Alessandro, that she would be working on creating a better world?

_Alessandro…_

Suddenly tears welled up in her eyes, but she restrained herself. No, she musn't cry, she musn't think of Alessandro. She've mourned him of course, but she musn't dwell in the past forever. Alessandro died in order to save her, so she must live up to his expectations, to her promise to him. She most be strong, for him, for her people, for the future. She must work hard, not only for herself, but for everyone around her, and for… No she musn't think of him either. He was out of her reach, she should rather concentrate on this council.

Really, who said, that being a queen was a dream job? Rather a nightmare… Those clothes were beyond uncomfortable, and all those councils and such were dead boring. She really hated politics! But she couldn't quit, this was her task, her destiny to fulfill. There was no way that she could back down.

She must be strong.

Still she couldn't help it: she was beyond relieved when the last councilor finally sat down. The council was over at last. Well, at least, that was what she thought…

She was about to stand up, and dismiss everyone. But she was interrupted.

"Your Highness," A very solemn, older minister stood up. "Excuse me for my rudeness, but I dare to believe, that there is still a topic left for us to cover."

Esther held back a grunt while she slumped back into her chair.

Great.**JUST** great. Another topic, another hellish hour or so… Just what she wanted. Nevertheless she nodded towards the man to countinue.

"I presume, that your majesty is aware of your majesty's turning of age."

Of course she is! How could she forget that she's turned 18 last month?! Especially with all that fuss… She really felt like it was a national festival, or something like that. She also got a ridiculous amount of birthday cards from varoius people she haven't ever heard of. It was funny, that so many people cared about her birthday. But she needed to get used to it now.

She nodded again, absently.

The man cleared his throat before he went on.

"Considering your highness's age, we would like to advise your highness to think about the benefits of your royal highness having a spouse of your highness's rank."

Esther blinked. Sure she wasn't used yet to all those honorifics, but did she hear he say a **SPOUSE**!?

"Y-you mean a spouse? Like a husband?" She asked this with a slightly tremlbing, unbelieving voice.

"Exactly, my queen. That's precisely what we humbly implied." The minister bowed his head with respect.

"Are you saying, that I have to marry?" The panic was evident in her voice. She haven't thought of marriage as a duty of a queen.

"Naturally, it isn't obligatory. All we asked from your majesty is to think about the possibility. Having a marriage with one of the foreign high class royalty can prove to be very useful for strengthening Albion's positions and ties. Not to mention, that a legitimate heir to the throne would be needed all the sooner, to secure the succession."

At this words Esther's face turned bright red. They were pointing out the need of her having children. She haven't thought about that either… Crap.

The man continued on, undisturbed by her distress.

"Also it goes without saying, that your highness's royal spouse would't be crowned ruling king of Albion, so your highness would remain our ruler, with all your responsibilities. He would only be in the place of your husband, maybe your private counselor, but he wouldn't have power over the country, unless he is suitable to be a minister or such and would be appointed as one. So your royal highness shouldn't worry about losing her power."

Yeah, like it was her biggest problem… Not having to meddle in politics rather seemed like a sweet dream to her.

"I know, that this is a sudden request, my queen, but your majesty don't have to answer immediately. We will give your majesty time, so her majesty can think it over carefully. If your highness accepts, we will help your highness to pick a spouse."

Esther was only half listening. She were watching the floor intently… and thinking.

Yes, this all seemed unreal, scary, complicated and so on, but what the minister was saying made sense. The country needed a sure heir to the throne, and a dynastic marriage can certainly prove useful.

Her head was telling her, that this was the right thing to do, that as a queen she must do everything for her country's good, that the responsibility of a lot of lives weighed her shoulders, but her heart…

No, it didn't matter. She can never have him, not even if he would love her back. It was pointless to cling to some childlish dreams and fancies, when she had to think about a whole kingdom.

She was a queen. She had a duty. She must fulfill it. It's that simple.

"I… I…"

Everyone looked at her expectantly. She felt her stomach clench. She **REALLY** was nervous.

But…

"I don't want to marry a man I don't even know!"

Her voice was barely above a weak whisper, but everyone seemed to heard it.

She inwardly kicked herself on the head. She was supposed to say „I understand and I accept.", not this stupid thing. She really was a hopeless idiot! A useless, hopeless, total idiot.

There was a bit of silence in the hall before on of the ministers stood to speak, but he was cut by Virgil, who was a lot faster.

He was the only Methuselah in the room, and the only one wearing a cape, obviously to protect him from the sunshine. Most of these council things were held in well lit rooms, mostly before dusk, so Esther got used to him wearing it most of these times.

"May I be as bold as to ask for the permission to speak, my queen?"

She nodded feebly, still shaken from the previous events.

"If you don't mind, I have a suggestion for the matter."

Esther urged him with a weak motion of her hand, to go on.

"We should hold a ball for the top royalty of foreign countries in Londinium."

The queen wasn't the only one, who dropped her jaw. Everyone was silent for a moment, then various whispers erupted from different parts. Virgil patiently waited for them to die down.

"As I've suggested, a ball should be held in Londinium. We should send invitations to each ruler of any notable country. They would be allowed to bring, beside a small entourage, one person, who would be their candidate. This candidate can be even themselves if they aren't married, and are of age, but must be some high royalty of their country. And from the candidates, your highness can pick one as a husband, if she finds someone to her liking."

Some sounds of approval could be heard, but many objected and so an argument soon took place. The big hall became a chaotic mess of shouts, and a battle-place of words.

In the end, Esther had to raise her hands, and cry for attention. The room slowly quieted.

"I, personally think, that Count Virgil's idea is a good one. This ball can enable not just us to get to know the different monarchs better, but for all of them to get to know each other. I strongly approve of this idea. We can strengthen our relationship with various countries, and maybe we can create the foundations of a better international connection. Those who agree with me, please raise your hands!"

It took some time, but in the end, with a few exceptions, everyone put their hand in the air. Esther smiled warmly, and nodded happily.

"I'm glad. I'll be looking forward to discussing the details. But not today, I'm deadly tired, and I assume, it's the same for you all. You're dismissed for today."

She held back a sigh of relief while every man stood, and bowed. Finally, she was free! Now she can go, have a walk in the park, and then maybe a relaxing bath. She really needed some rest…

But this ball, probably the first step in establishing a worldwide communication once again, this would worth anything, even her having to marry some probably old, ugly, boring royalty. Now the top priority was to have this ball, no matter what. For the future.

Maybe there'll be some younger, nicer, more good-looking princes too… At least she wished.

* * *

The moons shimmered with a silver light on the pitch black sky, etched with the tiny diamonds of stars. The fresh night breeze mixed the flower's scent with the blood and dirt. Somewhere a bird cried, a long, sorrowful melody. But almost immediately the calm voices of the night returned. 

None of this mattered to the slender figure leaning on an old tree trunk. A sticky, dark liquid was slowly trickling down his left arm, which bended in an unnatural shape, and seemed to hang pretty lifelessly. He didn't bother with it. Just as much as he didn't care about his torn clothes, or other parts of his body covered with the same sticky substance, but mostly already dried. Or about those bloody corpses around him.

It all just held no importance for him. At the moment, the one thing, that counted, was that little, fragile, golden locket in his right hand. He held it so the moon could shine on it.

He seemed quite mesmerized by just that one, small object.

The night was cold, he shivered, but it didn't seem like he realized it. Nor did it look like he noticed that shadow appearing behind him.

"We're going."

That was all he heard, but he didn't need to ask any questions – not that he had the chance, as the other one disappeared almost instantly.

He let out a long sigh, then nodded, mostly to himself. He looked up at the moons,-

_Are you looking at the same sky as me?_

- then back at the golden locket. He smiled slightly, almost bitterly, then put it back on, under his shirt, over his heart.

He was fighting for a world where she could be safe, where he could see her smile. Her smile… it was the one thing that kept him alive, that kept him going, no matter what.

He was ready to give his life for her, for her smile.

Her smile… which meant life itself for him, the only thing that was worth dying for.

If only he could see her smile once again. If only her smile could be for him, only for him… He would give this whole world for it. And even that wouldn't near it's value.

* * *

Dusk was quickly fading, and the moons were already visible on the sky painted with pink, orange, violet and their thousand shades, all forming a swirling sea of colors, spotted with the earliest of the stars. 

The night wasn't that warm, but on a balcony, all alone, there she was, looking for something in the distance, which she can never find.

She was clad only in her nightgown, but she didn't seem to feel the cold, although her bare arms had goosebumps on it.

She shifted her gaze to the moons, and cocked her head slightly. Her lips mouthed unsaid words, which echoed through her mind, through her heart, painfully.

_Does the sky look like this, wherever you may be?_

Suddenly her whole soul seemed to shudder. She quickly retreated to her room.

Maybe it really was cold outside.

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**A/N.:** Now, you must go and look at my AMV in youtube! Or I wont update :P mwhahahaha! 

-she looks extremely evil and menacing, but in reality she is just kidding…- Still, pretty please, now be as kind as to leave a review, and go look at my AMV. I swear, that you won't regret! It has some funny extras! **REALLY** funny extras…

Paste this after the regular youtube link. (I cannot put a link in here for some reason… :S)

watch?vfzhRALitNBw

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